ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you had me at cake vodka
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
