i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
