and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
