Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
