just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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