omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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