ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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