I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
