So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
