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Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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