Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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