So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
