Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
