I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
