Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
