How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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