Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
