He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
