Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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