I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
