I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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