I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just google imaged poop.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
