She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
