one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize