I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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