I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
