I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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