Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
