worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
