FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize