paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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