is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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