I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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