You're my little dorito
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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