Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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