Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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