her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
