dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
