then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
be right there i have to get my cape
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize