new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
