I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
