he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
