Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
