I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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