anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize