Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
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Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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