I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
