so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
