OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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