Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
