Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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