my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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