I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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