I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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