plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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