My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
