i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
even my farts smell like vagina
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
