I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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