the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
