apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize