I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
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bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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