I just saw a hot homeless man
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
