I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
