I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
