New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
