Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
