omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
